the teenage writer,

03. Without you, i live it up a little more everyday.

2009-05-12T02:44:47Z

I don't know what to do anymore.
My night was horrible, yet exciting. The saying 'A drunken heart speaks a sober mind' is true in this situation. I saw first hand who was more important in a friendship. And it hurts because I'm the falling victim. Yet again, like many times before. And who's more important shows. No, not more important but who has more of an advantage in your friendship now than before. I'm just being pushed aside slowly, forgotten out of little things. I feel like I'm always second fiddle. Never first choice, the new one who comes around always gets your attention. It's like when she's around, I'm never asked to come along. Only convenient when you need me. It's always 'she's sleeping over' or 'were both going out' am I never invited anymore? Yeah, i have a job which im committed to so i don't do much hanging out on weeknights as i should but that is no reason to push me out of your life. Frankly I'm getting sick and tired of the inside jokes about me, or being kept out of the loop. Don't mention it around me if you know I'm going to ask, then just say. "oh you don't need to know" that's a total bitch move.

I'd tell it to your face, but like everything else you won't be real. So really, is it worth it?

02. Tell me we both matter, don't we?

2009-03-17T05:53:26Z

Happy Birthday to me. Exactly 1 week ago.
I'm finally 18, not much of a big change besides the fact that I'am a legal 'adult' now,
allowed to buy lottery tickets, vote and oh buy porn.
Hit the damn jackpot!

My life is amazing these days, working out to stay healthy and love myself. I'm having some trouble with eating healthy, but I can do It I know I can. I'm procrastinating a lot with homework. I think its because were in Gr.12 so I really could care less but I need to get on track, right away.
I'm writing again which is good, even though I'm getting frustrated.
This is why I'am so frustrated 1I'm fine with grammar but punctuation what goes where kind of throws me off guard. and 2; how i word things, and how they come across doesn't make sense to me, when I read others work it all seems so perfect. and lastly 3; my creativeness is gone, my writing used to be so nice, and easy to read but lately in the past year it's been literal shit. :]

Anyways everyone.
I guess I should be off to bed, tired lately thanks to Sam and Amanda keeping me up all night till 4 with their shenanigans.

Oh, and my last entry about hoping this year has less drama, well that one's going to be saved for next year. People are stupid lately, and really don't understand things. Sound right H?

you know you love me.

01. Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be.

2009-01-16T23:45:18Z

Hi. Hello. Hi. Happy New Year... I hope.

Not that I'm saying I've been having a bad time in the 16 days in.
They've been great, really great. Happy all the time, which is a good thing.

Wait. Who Am I kidding? Yeah I've been happy no doubt about it but so fucking confused.
Friends leave me confused, ALL the time. If you have a problem with me TELL ME, don't ignore me or act like a bitch.
Stuck up.

But besides that its been great.
I hope this year is better than last. Wait who am I kidding? It is.
Italy '09 Hellllo! It actually started off great, new years at a kick ass party with one of my best friends.
And many others, thats what I love.

So, I wish this Year is great.
With not a lot of drama.

:)

you know you love me

amandaxduhh @ 2009-01-10T23:22:00

2009-01-11T04:25:48Z

I feel like were being separated.
Your living your life separate from mine.
Off with your boyfriend, or making excuses that your too tired or just really don't want to do anything.
But when he comes around you won't be so tired anymore, and feel like doing something.
It's like I'm slowly being pushed out of your life. Slowly.
Not that I'll ever be, when he does something wrong you'll come back to complain.
But I'll be here, like always.

Because this doesn't bother me right?

Were back where we belong.

2008-12-19T02:25:31Z

Why the hell is Creed on my ipod?
It must of been one of those drunken nights where i added french music, and a bunch of lady gaga to it.
I didn't remember and I woke up rocking out to Lady Gaga and suddenly, french music was playing. It was like I was watching French Kiss on Much Music in the wee hours of the morning. Today has been so weird for me, well not weird in a figurative way. But I'm in such a pissed off mood. I think its because I'm tired, really tired. Last night bed time was 12, after i finished my english homework.

I'm too tired to write.

We all get tired, i mean eventually.

2008-12-15T20:42:41Z

I don't get the point of school. Okay, i do. I do but sometimes I feel like im getting stupider? Maybe thats just me, and maybe I'am. Who knows, but this year is going by so fast. Gr.12 already where did all the time go?
Like when we used to play in the puddles, make mud pies not let anything bother us. We were friends with everyone now its all cliques.
Everything's changed so quickly. I'm not ready to be an adult yet... Eek.

So please forgive what I have done.

2008-12-06T05:37:26Z

I figured out, that mistakes need to be made to make you the person you become in the end. Don't look back on them and wished you could change them because by changing them you could of closed a door of oppurtunity for yourself. And you never know what that door could hold. So live everyday as if it's your last. Party like there aren't going to be anymore, and just laugh, and love until everything is gone.

Somebody's gonna cry tonight.

2008-11-29T03:58:34Z

My head is pounding as i blast some straylight run through my speakers.
It probably isn't good for my headache but I can't help it.

Give it up give it up or your gonna die.
Love, love, love, love.

When you can live forever. What do you live for?

2008-11-22T18:12:24Z

I seen Twilight last night.
It was amazing, and Robert Pattinson is a very good looking man.
He's hott alright. Haha, but all these girls just love him because hes 'Edward Cullen'.
They didn't like Rob when he was Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter they thought he was ugly, I always thought he was quite good looking. Now hes Single, and says he wants to marry someone not in the biz.

A fan love affair?
Hmm.

He seems like a pretty chill guy to hangout with, I'd like to if I had connections.

Haha, anyways. Post more later.
:)

amandaxduhh @ 2008-11-20T11:03:00

2008-11-20T16:04:11Z

My computer is back!!!
Yippie.
But everything is gone off it.

Booo!

amandaxduhh @ 2008-11-18T10:31:00

2008-11-18T15:32:49Z

I post too much.
In the past 2 days.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-11-17T11:52:00

2008-11-17T16:54:05Z

Sometimes I wish I could stand out; without really standing out.

You know what I mean?

Moving day for lj?

2008-11-17T16:41:38Z

Oh god.
Oh god.
They'll be down for a while, how can I get my posts in?
My creativity launched.

All is lost.

Okay, I'm not that over dramatic.
I can live.

:)

Still in class.
What Joy.

I, I, I, I.

2008-11-17T16:36:10Z

I hate ISP's in class.
I can't write because i'm not alone.

I can't wait to go home and write i've had a rush of creativity run through me right now. I only hope to god i remember everything. Hate when that happens. Also, I can't wait to go home and sleep everything away.

I say 'I' to much.
Well when writing about myself. Its a habit thats why writing in first person is such a hassle. (I tried my hardest not to place the word 'I' in that sentence.)

Anyways, should get back to my ISP.
Since my computer at home is broken. *Sigh*

Ciao.
You know you love me.

When you dream just think of me so you won't get scared.

2008-11-16T23:18:07Z

So i spent this whole weekend at sam's boyfriend riellys house. The WHOLE weekend, it was fun besides things they do while im in the bed. (Yes we won't go into deatil.) But other than that, we rocked out to some bob dylan, made cookies with his mom which were delicious, ate nachos and watched scary movies. It was fun.
I don't think i've ever had as many bruises on me as i do from this weekend. We wrestled to much, well more just hitting eachother Rielly Sam and I but i'm sporting some war wounds.

On friday myself, sam, rielly, and his mom and sister traveled to Lime Ridge Mall, where we shopped. Great deals at H&M caught my eyes and now im lounging in my fuzzy sweater which was only 30 dollas. Im proud that I only spent 50, more towards my Italy trip which I'am now going too. Can't wait but at the same time i think to much about things. Like im going to miss so much in that first month of summer, and what if i have a boyfriend by then I just can't leave them for a month. Anywho. I'm glad to be going. I just think to much, which isn't good. I have an over active immagination from being creative. HAH.

But yeah, thats my update.
P.S Computer at home is still broken which is a bummer, but i'll get on lj here at school.
P.P.S- Twilight soundtrack = love.

you know you love me.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-11-10T09:54:00

2008-11-10T14:56:26Z

Show business is a horrible bitch godess.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-10-17T20:32:00

2008-10-18T00:40:25Z

So i'm sitting here, its 8:30. Listening as the soothing lyrics by Rachel Yamagata sing to me. Her definition of heart ache, happiness, every mood under the sun can be heard through her music. They make my heart swell with such ease, that i could possibly cry. But I won't. I just finished getting ready for my work Pot Luck. I have my fruit tray, and my 6 pack of vex, ready to go...Half an hour early.. Yes. I'm waiting for Craig to get here to pick me up, he offered so if he complains I will just tell him straight up. But my weekend seems to be full, very full. Tonight, is the pot luck as I mentioned till 12. Then I'm going to Sams to sleepover, probably around 11pm. Staying up, for a while later alcohol most likely still running through me then at 9 I get to work. Yay me! Then get picked up STRAIGHT from work to go babysitting, but its alright, i love my boys. Oh, and Shelbys down this weekend. Were going to hangout tomorrow night, possibly i miss her. Myspace is killing me lately, i keep seeing these pop ups about enlarging your penis. There are various adds of a wide eyed girl and the caption saying. "Surprise her with a bigger penis! Add inches right now!" I feel sorry for men who actually do this. Oh and isn't this a great way to end off my entry? I think so.

Any who, I shall be off. I'll post something else soon.
You know you love me.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-10-16T16:04:00

2008-10-16T20:04:46Z

Society is an evil bitch that wants to stifle our creativity and suck our blood.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-10-09T11:43:00

2008-10-09T15:44:50Z

attack in black=amazing.
new covers=incredible

love them?
so do i.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-10-03T11:27:00

2008-10-03T15:28:14Z

In a way, I need a change,From this burnout scene. Another time, another town, another everything.
But it's always back to you.

I won't...

2008-09-30T19:17:53Z

I won't let this get to me. I won't let him get to me. Not now, not again. Not ever. I won't let it happen.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-09-25T20:35:00

2008-09-26T00:37:55Z

I have this uncertainty in me, that nothing is as what it seems, and won't stay the same for long. And it scares me.

There is nothing

2008-09-25T17:47:00Z

good for us out there anymore. I've spent the whole day listening to death cab, and lying around the house, watching the hills, and will & grace. I wish I could just escape somewhere take a trip to Grand Bend again, lay on the beach. Soak up whats left of the sun. Come with me?

amandaxduhh @ 2008-09-21T00:35:00

2008-09-21T04:37:36Z

I should be furious, the anger should be festering up inside me from what you did to me. My heart should feel like it's been ripped out directly from my body left there on the floor to fend for itself. The tears should be streaming down my face, blurring my vision and unabling myself to speak. But none of that is happening, you pulled the carpet out from underneath me when reality hit. We would never be together, those words should have ripped at me harshly instead of hitting me lightly. Maybe I never felt the way I thought I had about you. Having someone was just a wanting in my life at that time that cause my to think I acctually had feelings for you, but when nothing hurt me, broke me, tore me down I figured it out. My feelings were a figment of my imagination and I'm glad for that. Glad to rid you from my life.

amandaxduhh @ 2008-09-14T13:09:00

2008-09-14T17:13:32Z

I won't accept your self pity, i won't accept those apologies that you've recited over again. The lies you told, the feelings you twisted, i won't tolerate them anymore. I've gone through so much with you my head may explode if i go through anymore. I don't care what excuses you tell me, i'll try my hardest to block you out. Block out your picture in my head, your voice that repeats every word you ever said to me, the memories we made.I'll stop answering the door when you show up, your calls will be blocked. I'll forget everything and anything that reminds me of you. Because frankly i can and will do so much better than you, you've been someone constant in my life that i need a change.

"Someday my pain, someday my pain Will mark you Harness your blame, harness your blame And walk through."